


your rough touch;

by unintentionallyangsty



Series: let all be quiet (in your head); [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Big Brother Thor (Marvel), Bittersweet Ending, Brodinsons, Brother Feels, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Dissociation, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Loki Lives (Marvel), Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Overstimulation, Panic Attacks, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Thor (Marvel), The Statesman, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Touch-Starved, Trauma, touch-aversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29149368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: After his time spent within the Void, on Sanctuary, in Asgard's dungeons, and during the subsequent years following disguised as Odin, keeping himself carefully distant from everyone, it's only natural that Loki has come to both fear and crave the closeness of others.Unfortunately for him, the enforced confinement of theStatesmanonly serves to aggravate this fact.A fact that, of course, does not escape Thor's attention.(Angst/Fluff Prompts #51 and #19 Fills: "I don't want to be alone right now." / "Just breathe, okay?")
Relationships: Brunnhilde | Valkyrie & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Thor, Loki & Thor (Marvel), The Revengers - Relationship
Series: let all be quiet (in your head); [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116422
Comments: 8
Kudos: 166





	your rough touch;

**Author's Note:**

> Loki & Thor. the Statesman. written for the Angst/Fluff Prompt #51 and #19 Fills: "I don't want to be alone right now." / "Just breathe, okay?"
> 
> **chapter warnings !:** anxiety attacks, and a detailed dissociative episode. stay safe !
> 
> (again, brief reminder that each story within this series is unrelated/non-linear. unless otherwise stated, this is a series of unrelated one-shots and nothing more. enjoy!)

“I’m here.” 

The smile that began to stretch across Thor’s face felt, to his surprise, entirely natural. 

They had just lost their planet, true, and a good deal of Asgard’s people, to boot. They were facing a potential months of space travel on a ship that hardly held their number, and no definite destination in mind. 

And yet, with Loki standing across from him with a small smile of his own dimpling his cheeks, unwavering and solid and _here--_

Thor could not help but smile genuinely, something almost like hope bubbling within his chest as he took a step closer to his brother, arms already outstretched. 

Not a moment later, however, he felt his smile dim when Loki visibly stiffened, his eyes as guarded and wary as his stance.

Thor faltered, and hesitated briefly before he hastily pushed aside the dim sensation of _wrongness_ that had settled within the pit of his stomach, and took another small step forward. 

Almost immediately, Loki flinched forcefully, and skittered two steps back to accommodate Thor’s one. 

Well and truly confused, now, Thor halted in his advance, arms awkwardly outstretched as the brothers continued to eye each other in mingled confusion and wariness, the only sound in the otherwise empty room Loki’s own sharp, slightly uneven breaths. 

“Loki?” Thor questioned, slowly, and felt his stomach turn slightly when Loki tensed further, his expression cool and unreadable. 

Surely…Surely Loki did not think… 

There was a beat and, when Thor realized that he wasn’t going to receive a verbal reply, he opened his mouth to continue (though as to what he planned on saying remained entirely unknown), only for the sound of the door to the chambers sliding open from behind to stop him in his tracks. 

“Your Majesty,” Heimdall’s voice greeted, and Thor allowed himself another moment to study Loki’s still carefully blank features, before he turned to greet their visitor. 

“Your people anticipate you in the main hall.” Heimdall said, by way of greeting. If he noticed anything was amiss in the room, he did not comment, and nothing about his expression gave him away. 

Thor nodded lowly. “Thank you, Heimdall.” he replied, “I’ll be there in a moment.” 

With a returning nod for both Thor and Loki, Heimdall turned and exited down the hall. 

When he had gone, Thor exhaled a long breath, the combination of the previous series of events coupled with the new information having left him somewhat dizzy. 

From behind, the sound of Loki shifting broke the silence, though Thor did not have more than a moment to turn before his brother was breezing by and toward the door. 

“As he said,” Loki called over his shoulder, his voice held carefully even and composed, and inclined his head toward the door. “Your people await.” 

Before Thor could offer a reply, Loki had exited the room and disappeared down the hall, though Thor noted with little surprise he had gone the direct opposite direction Heimdall himself had ventured down, moments before. 

With another huff of a sigh, Thor spared a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror before him, before he moved forward to scoop his untouched drink into one hand, and downed it in one go. 

He would have time enough later to worry the conversation with Loki over in his mind, he had little doubt. 

Right now, there were more pressing matters at hand. 

\---

Three weeks later, Thor could have laughed at his own blind optimism. 

He had hardly had enough time to attend to his own basic needs, caught up as he was with the number of tasks that had been dropped into his lap nearly the second he had declared that their official destination was going to be Midgard. 

Following the Valkyrie’s informing him, somewhat peevishly, that the journey was going to last the better part of sixteen months, Thor had quickly been tasked with taking a census of each family or individual on board the ship, and finding them a suitable place to inhabit, for the time being-- a task that had lasted well into the morning following. 

From there, his list of duties had not grown any shorter, though Thor could say with some level of confidence that he had improved somewhat at managing them. 

That being said, though he had been busy enough to leave him passing out nearly seconds after his head hit his pillow each evening, Thor had found that the somewhat disastrous interaction with Loki that first night on the ship, as well as his brother’s objection, unspoken though adamant, to his presence had remained stubbornly at the back of his mind. 

Loki himself had displayed little animosity toward him, following that first interaction, though Thor might have almost preferred animosity over the cool, indifferent sort of distance Loki had afforded him, since. 

Had he not known better, Thor might have chalked this up to the fact that Loki had been kept nearly as busy as Thor himself, following the announcement. Though Thor would not have delegated the duties outright, Loki had surprised nearly everyone involved by quickly stepping up and taking on a good deal of Thor’s own responsibilities nearly right away. 

Thor did know better, however, and knew well that Loki was going out of his way to avoid him intentionally. 

He still spoke to Thor, yes, though only when it was necessary, and only in the short, clipped sort of manner he only took on when he wanted whoever it was he was conversing with to know that he had better things he could be occupying his time with. 

It was disheartening, particularly when Thor noted the way Loki tended to keep his distance when they did interact, his arms held stiffly against his sides and face carefully impassive. 

Surely, Thor had considered what had felt like a million times, those first few days; surely Loki did not anticipate that he might have intended to hurt him? 

Thor had held the belief firmly for another week, watching as Loki tiptoed around any potential interactions the two might have had to partake in unnecessarily, before a new realization had struck him as he’d been seconds away from succumbing to sleep, and left him in a cold sweat. 

How could Loki have anticipated anything but, when a scant few hours before their conversation, Thor had fixed an obedience disk to his back, and left him to deal with the consequences? 

At the time, it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable decision. Loki had shown his hand in the elevator, after all, and Thor had had mere seconds to determine a way to intervene before the entire exodus was irreversibly disrupted. 

The justification, however, did little to lessen the sick mixture of guilt and shame Thor could feel twist his gut, when he recalled the decision in hindsight. 

Hadn’t he, after all, experienced the debilitating pain the disks were capable of administering multiple times, himself? The idea of Loki experiencing something similar made Thor’s stomach turn again, though he could not bring himself to be entirely ungrateful for the opportunity at escape such an occurrence had offered, either. 

So no, Thor had realized, it was not entirely out of the question for Loki to have feared that some sort of further harm might have befallen him, at Thor’s hand, though the thought did not do much by way of easing Thor’s apprehension over the situation as a whole. 

Following the revelation, Thor had forced himself to make a conscious effort to pay more mind to his brother’s dealings and reactions, though he knew that Loki would not reveal any more than he deemed entirely necessary, if he had any say in the matter. 

Unsurprisingly, Thor had found that a more dedicated study of Loki had revealed little. In fact, it inevitably left him with more questions than he had been harbouring, initially. 

Particularly when, three weeks into their voyage, Thor had noticed Loki flinching away from the Valkyrie’s touch. 

From where he was sat at the desk across the chambers he shared with his companions, Thor froze briefly at the sight, his eye widening slightly, before he quickly averted his gaze back to the journal held open in his lap as the sound of Loki’s hasty retreat echoed through the room, and the brief, barely-there flash of hurt on Val’s face imprinted itself on Thor’s mind like a brand. 

Thor didn’t look up for another long moment, and when he did hazard a glance he was only able to catch sight of the Valkyrie’s back before she, too, disappeared down the hall, most likely in search of the ship’s bar. 

With a huff, Thor tossed the long-untouched journal to the side, the scene he’d just witnessed already reeling through his mind on repeat. 

Val was smart, Thor considered, and had not encroached upon Loki’s space more than was strictly necessary, up until now, seemingly having been able to sense Loki’s own desire for space. 

However, even Thor had been surprised by Loki’s near-violent reaction to the gentle, guiding hand the Valkyrie had laid upon his elbow as she had helped him carry a small sofa they had found, discarded in a spare storeroom at the other end of the ship, to the nook at the corner of their chambers. 

The flinch might have been dismissible, were it not for the deep, almost guttural growl Loki had let out as he’d fallen back a step and dropped his end of the sofa to the floor below with a dull _thunk_.

It had been something of a surprise, especially given Loki’s willingness to interact and even, at times, get along with the Valkyrie, recently. 

Thor had been pleasantly surprised at the behavior, though he could not deny the small pang of jealousy he felt, each time he witnessed such an interaction. 

Loki’s reaction following the touch, therefore, was made even more surprising by the near-enthusiastic way he had easily agreed to assist the Valkyrie in relocating the sofa to their chambers, earlier that afternoon. Clearly, there had been little bad blood between them, then, which left Thor with a scant few options as to what had caused the behavior in the first place. 

Either Loki and Val had experienced a falling out between their conversation that afternoon and now, which might have been believable, given the fact that both had a tendency to shift their mood with little to no warning, though felt unlikely, as they had seemed friendly enough when they had departed the chambers in search of the sofa, not an hour before. 

Which, Thor considered morosely, meant that there might be a modicum of truth to the nagging suspicion at the back of his mind; 

Loki’s reaction had had nothing to do with the Valkyrie at all, and everything to do with her behavior. 

Or, more specifically, with her easy touch. 

With a small groan, Thor fell forward to bury his face in one hand, and admitted to himself that the issue at hand might be far more complicated than he had originally anticipated. 

\---

Once Thor had reached the inevitable conclusion that Loki might be particularly averse to the touch of other’s, rather than one specific person, a number of things, having previously gone unnoticed, began to make themselves almost painfully apparent. 

For one, Loki seemed to time his meals around when the large, typically crowded dining hall tended to be the least inhabited; if he made the effort to take any meals at all. 

On the off chance that he happened to time things wrong, and ended up in a crowded room or hall, Loki almost always held himself stiffly, shoulders tense and jaw visibly clenched as he held his head high and avoided eye contact with pretty much everyone, including Thor. 

The first time Thor had noticed it, he had been accompanying Loki down a particularly narrow, crowded corridor. 

Loki had been making more of an effort to talk to him, as of late, though Thor had not been able to determine whether he had done something right and unknowingly appeased his brother, or if Loki had simply grown weary of acting wary and stand-offish, at all hours of the day. 

Not, Thor would concede, that he had abandoned the tendency entirely; a fact that had made itself undeniably obvious as the two had continued down the hall. 

Though he had seemed to be making something of an effort to hide it, Loki had carried himself warily, his breath coming a little raggedly as the hall grew narrower, the further toward the back of the ship they travelled. 

Thor had made an effort to keep his gaze trained firmly ahead, though he had continued to watch his brother out the corner of his eye as Loki had shied away from the others crowding the hall and, at one point, audibly hissed when someone had gotten too close and brushed against his side. 

By the time they had reached their destination, Loki had all but collapsed against the wall as the door slid shut behind them, his features still held tight as his eyes flickered somewhat manically over the room. 

And, though Thor had not commented, instead busying himself preparing the space for the council meeting that was due to start within the half hour, Loki had lingered another moment, hands fidgeting with the thick sleeves of his leathers as his gaze slowly regained clarity. 

Which was exactly when another piece of the puzzle had clicked into place within Thor’s mind. 

Over the course of the past few weeks, he, the Valkyrie, and even Heimdall had shed their traditional Asgardian armor, and had opted to go about almost all their duties in simple trousers and tunics. 

Loki, on the other hand, had remained in his Sakaaran armor since the battle on the Rainbow Bridge, hardly dressing down to more than trousers and a thick undershirt, for sleeping. 

Initially, Thor had considered that Loki was simply too prideful to ask for the same clothing he and the others had received.

After witnessing what he had, however, Thor had realized that the armor wasn’t at all a matter of pride -- it was a matter of protection, as was the way Loki often hunched in on himself, when he was feeling crowded, or hastily removed himself from the situation, entirely.

Or, Thor considered dismally one night, several weeks following his initial revelation, the way Loki had carefully and meticulously set his bed roll up their first night on the ship so that it was laid out in the very corner of the room, as far from both Thor’s bed and Val and Bruce’s own rolls as it could possibly have been wedged. 

As if to ensure that there was little to no chance of anyone impeding on his space while there was a chance of him being unaware of them doing so. 

The thought made something curdle within Thor’s stomach, and he found with little surprise that the plate of rations before him seemed almost entirely unappetizing, now. 

“Not hungry, Highness?” the Valkyrie’s voice cut in through the fog that had wrapped itself around Thor’s mind, and drew him jarringly back to the situation at hand. 

“Just distracted,” Thor muttered, before forcing himself to shovel another large spoonful of porridge into his mouth. 

Rations were thin enough as it was, and Thor had already been chided more times than he cared to count over his own attempts to skip out on meals in order to provide more for others. 

If the somewhat doubtful expression that was furrowing Val’s brow now was anything to go by, Thor had not quite succeeded at his attempt at nonchalance. Regardless, she shrugged slightly after another beat, and began to tuck into her own meal with enthusiasm. 

Unfortunately, Thor could not say the same of his brother. 

Though he had agreed to dine with them (a miracle in itself, given their increasingly contradicting schedules, and Loki’s own lingering apprehension over spending too much extracurricular time with the group), Loki had remained stiff and silent throughout almost the entirety of the meal thus far. 

Had Thor not known any better, he might have chalked the silence up to Loki having fallen into one of his more sullen and haughty moods. 

The small furrow between Loki’s brows, however, and the somewhat glazed look in his eyes as he continued to poke listlessly at his own meal with a spoon, told Thor otherwise. 

Seemingly for the millionth time, the image of Loki jerking away from his outstretched arms rose to the forefront of Thor’s mind, and he found that his next mouthful of porridge went down with considerable difficulty. 

Swallowing past the sudden tightness of his throat, now, Thor watched as Bruce reached across the table to snag a bowl of sugar from the center of the table, and noted with some interest the way Loki tensed automatically at his elbow, though his gaze remained distant and disinterested. 

Thor had known, of course, that Bruce tended to make Loki uneasy. Given the initial meeting between the two, after all, such harbored feelings of resentment were, admittedly, understandable. 

It was the reason that, when Thor was able to convince Loki to actually sit down and take a meal with them, they always sat as they were now; Val and Bruce beside each other at one side of the table, and Thor and Loki across, the carefully calculated space between the two of them charged and almost always somewhat tense. 

That evening was the first that Thor could remember that Loki had been careless enough to sit close enough that his elbow occasionally brushed Thor’s own, though Thor reasoned with himself that this was likely more the product of Loki’s own visibly distracted state, and less the likelihood that he had come to trust any of them more than he had when their journey had begun. 

From across the table, Bruce turned to the Valkyrie and inquired something, though Thor could not have been bothered to pay much attention to the conversation at present, particularly when he noticed Loki abandoning prodding at his food entirely, and instead shifting so that both his arms were cradled, loosely but protectively, around his middle. 

His eyes, however, remained glazed and trained on some unseen point on the tabletop, and the sight was enough to prod Thor into action. 

“Loki?” he murmured, low enough that their companions had little chance of hearing. 

When Loki did not respond, Thor’s concern only grew, and he swallowed thickly again before leaning slightly closer to where his brother was continuing to stare vacantly ahead. 

“Brother?” Thor repeated, and only allowed himself to hesitate long enough to inhale a shallow breath through his nose before he rested a tentative hand on Loki’s elbow. “Are you well?”

The reaction was not instantaneous. For a long moment, Loki only sat in motionless, pensive silence, and the conversation between Bruce and the Valkyrie continued as if nothing was happening just across the table. 

Then, Loki shifted, so minutely that Thor might have missed it, had his attention not been so focussed on his brother. 

For a moment, it seemed the only change was Loki’s shoulders inching slightly closer to his ears, his formerly slow and shallow breaths shifting into something slightly more like unsteady gasps. 

Out the corner of his eye, Thor noted that the Valkyrie had cut herself off mid-sentence, and was turning to face the two of them with a somewhat bewildered expression. 

“Loki?” Thor prodded, again, forcing himself to shift a majority of his focus to where Loki was still hunched, his gaze skittering madly about the hall, now, and where the point of contact still remained between them. 

The fact that Loki’s elbow had begun to tremble minutely beneath his grasp, as it was, was hardly heartening. 

It was nothing at all like the Loki Thor had thought that he knew -- all trembling limbs and apparent terror over seemingly the very idea of instigating eye contact. 

Then again, Thor considered distantly, since when had he truly been afforded the luxury of having _‘known’_ Loki well, at all? He would have been acting as the fool he once had been, to consider otherwise. 

There was another long beat of silence, then, before Val, her voice distant and somewhat hazy, prompted, “Thor?” 

Almost immediately, Loki inhaled a sharp, tremulous gasp, and the attention of everyone at the table snapped to where he was sat, briefly motionless, before his attention flew to where Thor’s fingers were still secured around his elbow. 

Before Thor could manage to even think of how to break the silence, Loki inhaled again, an unsteady guttural sort of noise, and stood so suddenly that he might have upended the bench beneath him entirely, were it not for Thor’s weight at the opposite end.

He did lurch backward suddenly enough, however, that Thor had little choice but to release his grip with a small gasp of his own. 

For a long moment, only the sound of Loki’s harsh breaths filled the silence, his eyes wide and entirely uncertain, as if he was still unsure of exactly what was going on. 

Then, Thor cleared his throat, and regained his voice enough to repeat, “Loki?” 

It was as if a switch had been flipped. 

Immediately, Loki’s expression shuttered into something blank and unreadable, and he clenched his jaw before turning on one heel and fairly hastening out of the hall without another word. 

And, unsure of exactly what to do or how to react, Thor watched him go, his mouth agape and one hand still stupidly outstretched. 

The silence did not last near as long, this time. For, the second Loki disappeared around a corner and out of the hall, entirely, the Valkyrie turned to shoot Thor a long, pensive look. 

“Thor--”

“I know.” Thor interrupted, and stood himself, a moment later. 

“Check on him, yeah?” Val continued, and hesitated another moment before tacking on, “He didn’t look…good.” 

“Right.” Thor replied, somewhat absently, and offered a distracted sort of nod before he hastened in the direction Loki had disappeared in not moments before. 

\---

By the time Thor reached their chambers (for he stoutly refused to believe that Loki had disappeared anywhere more difficult to locate, at least until he determined otherwise for himself), the door had been firmly sealed shut, leaving Thor with little choice but to oscillate awkwardly in the hall for a long moment, his hands clenched into tight fists and his breaths coming in short, shallow gasps, now. 

Loki’s disappearance in itself might not have necessarily been cause for concern, he reasoned mentally. In fact, Loki had developed a somewhat steady track-record of going missing for hours on end, at times, when it seemed that he was becoming exasperated (or simply exhausted) with their seemingly never ending work load, aboard the vessel they now called home. 

However, he had always returned within a few hours, the time frame short enough that Thor had hardly been given the opportunity to even begin to worry over whether or not his brother had left for good, this time. 

No, Thor considered now, as his stomach turned unpleasantly. It wasn’t Loki’s disappearance that had caused a sort of stale, unpleasant discomfort to lodge itself between his ribs. 

Rather, it was more the way Loki had begun to visibly lose his connection with what was going on around him, before Thor had even thought to initiate the gentle touch at his elbow. 

_Not gentle enough_ , something unpleasant at the back of Thor’s mind whispered, followed by the nauseating image of Loki’s reacting near-violently to that touch--

Reacting to, Thor would concede, the one touch that he anticipated (had _hoped_ ) that he might trust above all others, presently. 

It certainly wasn’t the first time Thor had seen Loki detach himself so, he considered somewhat absently. Rather, there had been a few memorable occasions during their youth, more notably during particularly lengthy feasts and court hearings, that Loki had behaved similarly, his gaze distant and breaths so shallow they were almost inaudible. 

(And, Thor recalled somewhat less willingly, there had of course been the even fewer occasions that Thor had found Loki huddled in the corner of the library or his own chambers, following a stern reprimand from their father or another humiliating defeat on the training grounds. These were the occasions where Loki would not only react sluggishly, if at all, his gaze distant and glazed, but would also be found hunched in on himself, his limbs trembling badly and fingernails bitten bloody). 

Then, too, he had not seemed to react to anyone’s prodding or inquiries, for a time. It had seemed that only Thor had been capable of drawing Loki from some spells, after several failed attempts from both Frigga and the healers. At some point, they had all seemed to come to the simultaneous conclusion that, on such occasions; that Thor’s voice was the only thing that had been capable of getting any kind of reaction out of Loki, at all.

Previously, this had been a never ending source of a somewhat secret pride for Thor, once he had realized the fact. 

Then, of course, had come Loki’s seemingly foreign brand of dissociation, during his attempted victory on Midgard. 

Then, Thor had not quite been able to identify the distance that had lodged itself just behind his brother’s gaze, and had felt a cold and unpleasant chill run up and down his spine, when he had been close enough to regard the manic sort of coolness too closely. 

(Then, Thor’s voice had seemingly had the opposite effect as desired, and had only seemed to fan the flame of Loki’s ire into a fervent, monstrous sort of thing). 

And Loki’s behavior now…This newfound adversity to touch… 

It was something that Thor had never seen for himself, before now, and certainly nothing that he felt prepared to handle, at present. 

Regardless, he inhaled an unsteady, warbling sort of breath, before raising a hand to punch at the keypad beside the door before him. 

At once, the door slid open almost as soon as Thor had input the correct code, and he sucked in another sharp inhale before taking a step further into the room. 

To Thor’s surprise, he did not have to search long before his gaze immediately zeroed in on the figure that was sat gingerly upon the sofa directly opposite the door. 

Or, more specifically, Loki, who was hunched over with one visibly trembling hand tightly clenched in his hair, and the other covering a majority of his face as his unsteady, gasping sort of breaths echoed through the room. 

Something within Thor’s stomach clenched painfully at the sight, and he found himself stumbling another few steps closer to his brother’s crumpled form before he had fully registered the urge to do so. 

“Loki,” he breathed, so quietly it might have been missed, beneath the sound of Loki’s increasingly harsh breaths. 

Or it might have been, were it not for the way Loki tensed immediately at the sound, though he did not bother to lift his head to regard Thor’s entrance. 

Whether it was the product of irritation, or simply exhaustion, however, Thor could not tell. 

“Brother,” Loki hissed, by way of greeting, his voice low and so gravelly Thor nearly winced at the sound of it. “I would ask that you leave me be, for the moment.” 

“Loki,” Thor repeated, taking the opportunity to crouch before where his brother remained bent. 

Almost immediately, his hands twitched in an automatic inclination to touch, to offer comfort, though he clenched both in the fabric at his knees to quell the urge, and instead allowed himself to lean forward in a somewhat futile effort to catch Loki’s still carefully shielded eyes. 

“ _Thor,_ ” Loki repeated, though whatever mocking edge the words might have held was snuffed out almost entirely by the way his voice quavered audibly. “Please--” 

“No,” Thor interrupted, swallowing and forcing his own voice to remain firm, in the face of Loki’s admittedly rare pleading. “Not like this. I--I can’t leave you. Not knowing--” 

“And what do you know?” Loki interrupted, only then dropping his hand to reveal his bloodshot, somewhat wild eyes as his mouth turned down into an ugly sneer. “What could you possibly pretend to _know,_ about--A-about--” 

“Enough!” Thor cried, alarm spiking within his chest at Loki’s breaths grew increasingly shallow. “I know enough!” 

“You know nothing!” Loki spat breathlessly,

Then, abruptly, he stilled, and what little color was in his face drained as he swayed dangerously.

“You’re an arrogant fool.” Loki muttered, before shifting so that his face was half-covered, again. 

“Please, Thor.” he whispered, then, and for a moment sounded so damned _lost_ that Thor nearly broke. “Not--Not now.” 

The silence that followed the plea stretched on so long, Thor was tempted to acquiesce and simply allow Loki the solitude he so clearly desired. 

However, what Loki desired and what he needed rarely coincided; a fact that Thor had only come to realize for himself within the last few years. 

The reminder was enough to keep Thor planted firmly where he was, despite the fact that Loki had begun to slowly, almost imperceptibly, curl away from him, his every inhale taking on a reedy, almost whining tone, now. 

“Loki,” Thor repeated, quietly, “I know enough.” 

“You--” Loki’s next inhale hitched audibly, and he shifted so that his knees were tucked closer to his chest. “You don’t--”

“I _do_.” Thor insisted, “I know that you’re afraid.” 

Before him, Loki exhaled something like a gasp, before he trembled visibly. 

“Thor--” 

“I know that you’re afraid.” Thor repeated, slightly firmer, now. “I know you’re scared. It’s alright.” 

This time, he did not receive a reply, though Loki’s shoulders hitched slightly closer to his ears as he curled ever further in on himself. 

“I know.” Thor whispered. And, honestly, it was almost comical how much he did _not_ know. How much he wished that Loki would tell him, if only he would _talk_ to him, for once. 

Regardless, Thor forced himself to swallow past that particular disappointment, for the time being, and powered on, “I know it’s hard. You don’t have to say anything. And--” 

Thor hesitated, and inhaled a deep, steeling sort of breath, eye lingering on Loki’s now visibly trembling form, before continuing, “And I’ll leave, if you want. If it’s what you need.” 

For a moment, there was no response, the only sound in the room Loki’s own shallow breaths as he continued to refuse to meet Thor’s gaze. 

And, when it became clear that he was to receive no further reply, Thor exhaled slowly, and deflated slightly as he prepared himself to stand and exit--

Only to hesitate when Loki let out a small, barely there protest of a sound. 

It was enough, however, and Thor immediately fell back to his knees and leaned closer in order to insert himself into his brother’s line of sight. 

“Loki?” he inquired, and could not be bothered to care that his voice trembled slightly in mingled hope and apprehension. 

There was another beat, before Loki shifted so that he could peer warily over his own knees, his brow furrowed as his gaze held Thor’s for all of two seconds, before it skittered away to study some spot on the floor between them. 

“I--” he began, only for his breath to catch unsteadily. “I--I can’t--” 

“That’s alright,” Thor soothed, when it seemed that Loki was unable to continue past his own increasingly speeding breaths. “You’re alright.” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Loki blurted, even as shame colored his cheeks not a moment following the admission. “I--Not right now.” 

For a moment, Thor felt a bit dizzy, the breath having left his lungs with a _whoosh_ at the words. 

He recovered himself quickly, however, and leaned forward so that he could catch Loki’s wayward gaze. 

“Alright,” he agreed immediately. “That’s alright.”

Loki did not respond, and Thor did not expect him to. Rather, his eyes remained pointedly averted, and began to widen in small increments as his breaths continued to increase in rapidity. 

Thor bit his lip, and forced himself to remain motionless for another moment more. 

“I--” he began, and cleared his throat when Loki’s gaze snapped suddenly to meet his own. “It--It’s the touch, isn’t it?” he finally ventured. 

There was a beat, wherein which Loki’s already wide eyes widened fractionally further, before he turned abruptly away and hunched further in on himself. 

It was hardly a reply, but it was enough to let Thor know that he was at least partially correct. 

At the back of his mind, Thor knew that the revelation carried with it more questions than it did answers. What, for example, had happened to increase Loki’s seemingly ever present, often self-imposed solitude and aversion to touch? Had it been a touch of a more negative nature, or--

Or, Thor considered bleakly, and swallowed thickly-- 

Or had it been the product of a prolonged lack of a gentler touch? 

As quickly as the questions had arisen, however, Thor dismissed them, and reminded himself firmly that he would have time enough later to consider the root of the issue further. 

What mattered now, however, was Loki sitting before him, still breathing far too quickly and shying away from the touch he had once welcomed and considered a comfort. 

“Loki,” Thor breathed, pity and horror both warring for dominance within his gut, and leaned slightly closer to where Loki was continuing to squirm. “Lo. Can--” 

Thor paused another moment, before extending a hand, slowly enough that Loki could protest, to hover uncertainly between them. 

“Can I touch you?” 

For a brief and terrifying moment, the expression on Loki’s face was so terrified and unbearably vulnerable that Thor was certain that he was going to bolt at any second. 

Then, miraculously, Loki uncurled slightly, and inhaled a sort of hiccuping breath--

Before he nodded, ever so slightly, his eyes still held wide and wary. 

And, though hope had begun to surge almost overpoweringly within Thor’s chest, he forced himself to return the nod before moving slowly, ever so slowly, to extend the outstretched hand closer to Loki’s trembling shoulder. 

It was only when the very tips of his fingers were brushing the cool and clammy skin at the side of Loki’s neck that Thor paused, his own throat tightening as he watched Loki continue to struggle for breath. 

When Loki did not pull away, however, and only continued to study Thor warily, Thor offered a small smile, before he moved to settle his hand warmly against the side of his brother’s neck.

For a moment, there was no reaction, and Thor swallowed again as he watched Loki freeze--

Then, Loki jerked as if he had been burned, though he did not pull away from the touch, entirely. 

Rather, he simply leaned back, and continued to meet Thor’s gaze through half-lidded eyes as he breathed harshly through his nose. 

“It’s alright!” Thor cried, and moved to stroke his thumb gently along the sharp jut of Loki’s jaw. “It’s okay. Just breathe, okay? Shh.” 

And, though he continued to fairly vibrate with the force of his trembling, Loki complied; a small, faint sort of whimper beginning to accompany each exhale as he breathed. 

He continued to hold Thor’s gaze evenly, however, and Thor decided to take it as a win.

“Just breathe.” Thor repeated, and raised his other hand to rub soothingly at Loki’s opposite shoulder. “I’ve got you. You’re alright. You’re safe.” 

“It--” Loki attempted, only for his voice to waver alarmingly, followed not a moment later by two fat tears leaking out the corner of his eyes and dripping pitifully over his sharp cheekbones. “It’s not--It’s too--” 

Loki gasped, then, and squeezed both eyes tightly shut, prompting a few more tears to streak down his face. 

Thor’s heart twisted at the sight, though he forced his tone to remain somewhat steady as he inquired, “Do you want me to go?” 

There was a pause, before Loki shook his head in one small, sharp jerk of a movement, though he did not move to reopen his eyes. 

“It’s--a lot.” he finally settled on, his tone pitched low and nearly inaudible, as if the admission was something shameful. 

Something between Thor’s ribs tightened painfully at the words, though he simply sighed and moved to continue stroking along Loki’s jaw. 

“I know.” he replied, simply. “It’ll get easier.” 

And, when Loki barked a soft, tremulous sob at the words, and hesitated only a moment before leaning further into Thor’s touch, Thor found it within him to tighten his hold and hum soothingly. 

“It’ll get better.” 

**Author's Note:**

> so here's this ! i'm sorry it's been a little more delayed with my new stories, this year! i'm still so excited to bring you new stories, and fill your prompts! it's just a matter of perfecting that work life balance. 
> 
> regardless, i hope you've enjoyed so far ! again, you're always free to let me know if there's something specific you'd like to see, via my [tumblr](http://littlekinng.tumblr.com) xx thank you all for your wonderful comments and support, so far !


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